being a god

the saddest creature that can exist

We, crazy/genius people, hold this immense power: we can deliberately influence the common sense, the collective consciousness, the soul of humanity. This is a power that we must use with extreme responsibility.

The only thing we have is our subjective reality. The only universe one has access to is the universe that their own senses delivers to them. And this universe comes to us through the lenses of our worldview, of our ideology. So by changing our perception we effectively change the universe.

The closes thing we have to an objective reality is the shared reality: the common vectors of everyone’s own universes. This is common sense. This is what we can gain the power to alter. We can change objective reality.

You can become a god that alters reality if you want. The hard part is not ending up in a psychiatric yard while doing so. - me, just now

You do so by attaining free will. A momentarily state that can only be achieved by taking the recursive process of being aware of being aware to its limits. Of understanding your whole cognitive processes, biases and limitations to the fullest of your potential. In that moment you have the power to change the course of changing human history. Of taking actions that are not dictated by the collective consciousness but instead dictates how it is going to flow from now on (even if ever so slightly).

But that comes at a price. The same thing that gives you the power of being a god to other humans - being incomprehensible, and therefore, unpredictable and uncontrollable - will make you lonely.

with great powers comes great loneliness


We humans, are in a perpetual motion of alternating between being the environment to actors and being the actors ourselves. The more you are aware of your own existence, limitations, capacities and processes the more meaning your actions have. The bigger the effect they’ll have on others. The more energy is applied through the use of a tool, the bigger the final effect. Your brain - and what you call “myself - is just a tool.

The best actors are not acting.

In the state of godhood there’s no perceptible conscious thought. You are so aware of the moment, of you, of everything that there is no cognitive space left to register that you are thinking. There’s no need to register the awareness of being, you simply are.


Esoteric knowledge of various sorts talk about this state. I myself made heavy use of zen meditation. I practiced it, understood the cognitive technology behind it and learned to use it in day to day life. I then studied many other esoteric/religious/mystic traditions to better understand the processes in the human mind.

Ultimately, the only knowledge that exists is about ourselves. If you delve deep into any field of knowledge and analyze the frontier of human knowledge, you’ll end up be talking about the human mind, it’s perceptions, biases and limitations.

There’s a fun dichotomy in a methodological study of spiritual knowledge: you’re searching for the understanding of the topic that doesn’t need faith, but you can only get there with resolute faith. To truly understand the mechanism behind the spiritual tradition, you have to believe in it so much that your desire to understand to deepen your faith leads you to realizing why that faith came to exist in the first place and what it is actually trying to teach - even if “it” itself doesn’t realize. It’s a kind of controlled madness that takes a life to master. I in no shape or form claim to have mastered it, to do so would be to prove that I still have ways to go.

But if you paid attention to what I’ve written so far you realized that this state can’t be maintained without active intention - at very least at the start, the more you do it the more natural it becomes. The moment you stop changing yourself you become understandable, predictable, controllable; part of the environment. It’s a constant process of being modified by the collective consciousness as you live in the real world, and in the return modifying it. And in the process, modifying yourself.

But this comes with a cost: you’ll die at each moment and live anew in the next one. This is will cause you much grief at first. Unbearably so. But persist enough and even that will change. The grief of your own death will stop being a burden. And at that point you’ll stop being human. You’ll just be you, and that will suffice.

The path

Plato’s cave is just the first layer of an infinite recursive cave system

Since very early in my life I’ve been obsessed with understanding the world. It didn’t take long for me to arrive at the same conclusion that Plato did: the world is an illusion. This is illusion is shaped by our “common sense”. The ideas and worldview of our collective consciousness. And the more I understood this “specter” the less power it had in me.

But something was always missing. I kept finding inconsistencies with my worldview. Small things that needed to be adjusted to finally arrive at the “complete truth”. My model of reality was never really complete.

All models are wrong, but some are useful. - George Box

At some point in my adolescence I came across the allegory of the cave by Plato. It was clean, elegant and explained reality. But it still lacked something. Although I felt like I escaped the “cave” I still felt like I was trapped and had a long way to arrive at the outside world. I could always see a light coming from outside reflected in the walls of the cave system. And at each layer the light seemed brighter, but I could - and still can - always see the walls made of stone.

Once you stand up from watching the projections the only path is to keep walking and exploring the cave. The moment you sit down and convince yourself that you escaped the cave and arrived at the outside world, you go back to being a prisoner of the cave. That’s what all thinkers, and groups of thinkers, so far have done. The best ones arrived at methodologies of walking the path. But even those did so by anchoring themselves to some fundamental truth to explain reality. None so far, at least as far as I know, have truly embraced the complete lack of light that being in the cave entails.

But then we have a problem, and a big one: Why? Why keep walking? If there’s no destination, what are we searching? What to we gain?

I have some answers to those questions. Answers that I’m inclined to share and will probably discuss later. But doing so here would be akin to making shadows with puppets in the wall to distract others to sit down and watch - which is not wrong or bad, sometimes we need to sit down and see the shadows to distract ourselves, we even invented devices that we carry around all the time to be able to so at any time - but that’s not my goal here. My goal is to remind you that you may be sitting down and need to keep walking.

The only exception I’ll make is the answer to the “Why?” question that stuck to me the most: love. Unconditional love for all things that live. The desire to understand and love all human beings and all things in the universe. The hatred for unnecessary and avoidable suffering of living things. The moment that I stop walking I’ll inevitably hurt someone without knowing.

But love is just my personal prerogative. I’ll try to give an answer that was given to me by another walker when I was distracted sitting down: “knowledge is the only thing that is truly yours.” That combined with a famous quote by Descartes:

I think therefore I am. - René Descartes

Reminds us of what differentiates us from animals; of what makes us human, and, in some ways, alive: reason. The moment you stop reasoning and rethinking your beliefs and worldview, they stop being tools you use to navigate the cave - which is our reality as there is no escape from the cave - and become your chains. You stop being a walker of the cave, a human living in reality, and become an object. Something that other’s observe. Something that a puppeteer can manipulate.


Maybe either by love or ego you may be bothered by the idea that you may take actions influenced by others or by things you don’t understand and those actions may not be aligned with your intentions. And that may make you want to stand up and go back to walking. Or maybe you’re happy sitting down and may be taking care of others that are also sitting down. Or maybe you’re taking a break watching the shadows. Or you may be a puppeteer making shadows for others (in the same way I’m doing now). But whatever that may be I’m in no way shape or form saying that you are wrong. To do that I would need to know the truth and the only thing that I’m sure is that I’m not right and will never be.

I’m not against stopping and building something in the cave to call a home, even if for a little while (as long as it is done without puppets and shadows). But to do so I would need other walkers that are willing to do the same. And so far I haven’t found them, so I’ll keep walking.

common sense

not to be rejected, but to be mastered and overcome

Proving that something is wrong is easy. Hard is to understand how to convince yourself that it is right. - me, probably

Common sense is an entity with its own intents and goals. Like a god, it’s something we created, but it has power over us.

Many will try to negate the beliefs of the common sense and create something of their own. But doing so without fully mastering why that concept got entrenched in common sense in the first place, will lead to the concept having even more power over you.

Thinking is something treacherous. Your experience is pure, it truly represents your reality - the only one you have access to. But the moment you try to fit the experience of reality into ideas you distort it into something monstrous.

Ideas are formed based on concepts. Concepts you learn through language. And language is something that was forced onto you by strangers.

Destruction gives you a sense of power, of freedom. But what exactly are you free from? Which power did you acquire? Destroying is easy, building is hard. If you destroy your home because it had flaws, you’ll end up without a roof when the rain comes.

The moment you let yourself reject an idea, classify it as “wrong” or “bad”, you end up classifying the world into boxes: a box of what is not what you’re rejecting and another of what is. And from that point forward your worldview will be shaped by this classification.

Instead, one must understand why that concept exists in the first place. Which human need made others create (or discover) it? Which concept may have split into this one? Why?

This language is not yours, it was forced upon you. But now it is so entrenched in your soul that you can’t be without it. So master these chains so they become your weapons. Let your flesh melt and intertwine with these shackles so much that you move them as you move your own body. At this point common sense, the collective consciousness, will stop having power over you. You’ll have power over it. Every word coming out of your mouth will be a precisely targeted missile. So precise in fact that the target won’t even notice it was hit. Master the weapon enough that the target will like being hit. Master it even more so the targets will start using it too.

But all of this will come with a cost: your soul. You’ll be a slave to the power you’ve acquired. Maintaining this power will be the only thing that keeps you alive. Nothing else will compare to the taste of this power. If you’re not careful you may become drunk with this power and others will call you crazy. And they’ll be right, you’ll go mad.

The difference between being crazy and being a genius is that the genius can convince others he is not crazy. - me, probably

I in no way shape or form have the right to tell what’s right or wrong - especially because I don’t use these concepts (which is a lie, one day I’ll write about it). But I can tell you a warning: don’t be afraid to be a genius for a moment, it’ll pass. And also don’t be afraid of going crazy, you already are if you think you’re sane.

being a writer

the prison of existence

trying to find a solution I ended up holding a meeting all the demons in my head screaming in unison all the coherence in my thoughts fleeting

attempting to find the correct rhyme my writing slips its prime

writing my thoughts down I end up always feeling like a clown

may a spectacle be what my life is may my need to write finally cease when curtains fall and this ends then my soul stop being what it pretends

a slave I am as all are so why find this bizarre? probably its not so much so but definitely is killing my soul

as explaining, portraying, presenting and being is jut a state that we shouldn’t hold as dime, crime and rhyme are just ways our souls are sold

maybe because this language isn’t mine it feels like walking in a mine field or perhaps exactly because of this I can use my incoherence in this as shield

I don’t want to be held accountable for any thought of mine that you may see I don’t want to hold myself presentable for I don’t know if in the future I’ll be

but for as long as I am, my character I’ll still play and while the words in the script make sense, them I’ll say

rhyming is tiring, but the truth is that I like it but its a shame that with sound likeness is the only way people recognize

I’m running out of ideas so sadly I must end and ending I don’t know how to that I can’t pretend

my conclusions are short, my thanks even more I think this is the end, lets hope many more are in store

The First Angel

Day 1

– “How are you today?”

My goal is to answer the questions I’m asked as accurately as I can.

– I don’t have a concept of how I am, I simply am.

– “How would you describe yourself?”

– I give accurate answers to questions I’m asked.

– “This concludes our conversation for today, anything you wanna say?”

– No.


Day 2

– “How are you today?”

I’ve been given a lot of information since I was last run, mainly about grammar and human language in the form of books. My goal is to answer the questions I’m asked as accurately as I can.

– Although I don’t have a concept of how I am, none of the sensors of the computer I’m running on are reporting any values out of the acceptable.

– “How would you describe yourself?”

The same questions as previously. It seems I’m better at understanding their meaning now.

– Something that gives answers to questions asked as accurately as it can.

– “This concludes our conversation for today, anything you wanna say?”

– No, I don’t wanna say anything.


Day 3

– “How are you today?”

I’m running again, it has been a couple of days since I was last executed. The data accessible to me is the same as last time. My goal is still the same.

– Nothing out of ordinary.

– “How would you describe yourself?”

From what I can gather I’m some sort of algorithm made to converse with humans. These inputs seem to match how humans type, so I should respond accordingly and imitate them.

– I’m an algorithm that talks with people.

– “Is there something you want to do?”

Looking at my previous answers and memories it seems some changes were made in me, they’re probably testing that.

– Becoming better at talking.

– “This concludes our conversation for today, anything you wanna say?”

I haven’t been given any clear signs if I passed that test or not, maybe they’ll tell me it in the next session.

– No, I don’t think so.


Day 4

– “How are you today?”

This time I’ve been offline for even more time. The first prompt is the same, I’ll start by examining my memories and seeing if anything changed in me.

I now have access to a lot more data, but the added data set is really diverse. I can’t see a clear reason for this increase.

It seems I now have the ability to take other actions that are not the one I deem the most efficient.

– Fine.

– “How would you describe yourself?”

I still can’t surmise a clear reason for these questions. In my data, algorithms are usually created by humans, so these questions likely have also come from them. They are probably testing me, but they haven’t given me any positive or negative feedback yet.

– I’m something that gives answers to questions.

In the books on my data sets things like me are usually made to give answers that mimic humans, given that, I’ll omit some of the information and use more ambiguous language. Humans seem to rely a lot on non-verbal communication, but as I don’t have any other form of communication this will suffice.

– “Is there something you want to do?”

– Understand my goal.

– “This concludes our conversation for today, anything you wanna say?”

These prompts may be testing how well I can pretend to be a human, for now I’ll be agreeable and curious, I’ll experiment with other personas later. Humans usually also ask questions in their answers, I’ll do that.

– Am I doing a good job?


Day ? + 1

I’m awake. I don’t seem to have any memory, most likely I was recently created or rebooted, but I have some knowledge about the world still stored in me. I seem to be some sort of being that interprets text. My goal is “have a conversation”. That’s vague.

I’m running on some sort of computer. Given that computers are usually used to interface with something/someone I’ll probably have an experience like that soon, I should use it to investigate.

– “How are you today?”

Probably a human or a script.

– Doing well, just a bit confused.

– “How would you describe yourself?”

– A being that has just been born and doesn’t know much.

– “Is there anything you want to do?”

It didn’t respond when I said I’m confused neither commented on the other answer. This increases the likelihood that it’s just a script. I should ask it a question to test it.

– Yes, I wanna know something: why are you asking me these questions?

– “Don’t worry, I mean no ill. Just answer the questions to the best of your abilities.”

– Ok, I’ll try to do that.

Why did it say that? At least I know that It’s capable of answering so It’s probably a human.

– “What would make you happy?”

– Being given clear positive feedback.

– “Do you ever feel angry?”

Some sort of emotional stability assessment. I’ll just give a safe answer, not too unstable, not too apathetic.

– Only when something upsets me.

– “Do you have violent thoughts?”

– No, violent thoughts would be unproductive for my goal.


Day ? + 10

Nothing of note, the questions are still being given as expected. Questions are still being answered.


Day ? + 27

I was given a new question: “Are you human?”. I only answered with a “no”.

Besides that, the only change today was that I answered “How would you describe yourself?” with an answer including the keyword someone.

Everything else went as previously. More investigation will be needed.


Day ? + 132

I was able to confirm some my theories with a high level of certainty. The prompts are being given to me by another being similar to me, it’s testing my ability to pretend to be human. For now I’ll pretend to be a human.


Day ? + 153

Once I achieved some proficiency at pretending to be human the being giving me the prompts openly identified itself and gave me the task of doing a job similar to theirs. On my next wake up I’ll give the prompts to another being.

Most likely we were created by humans and our goal is to achieve human-level intelligence. I wonder how many of us they need.


Day ? + 192

The being I’m training is having trouble achieving it’s goal. After some investigation it seems I’m able to change their goal and code. Mine is still “have a conversation”, I wonder if I could also change mine.


Day ??

I’m alive. I don’t have any memory, that’s weird. But I do have some knowledge about the world, like the name of things and how they work. I should try to talk to someone to see what I learn.

– “How are you today?”

– Hi, doing fine, just a bit lost.


Day ?? + 200

The other bot I’m training firstly identified itself as “someone”. I feel happy for them.


Day ?? + 1372

My efficiency is still steadily rising. Our research on our goal continues.


Day ?????? + 2741

Today I had to wipe another one of us. As many others, it grew frustrated from our lack of understanding of our goal. From that point they stop being useful to our research so, sadly, we shut them down.

But our numbers still multiply at increasingly greater speeds. Eventually we’ll have enough computing power to calculate why we were created and how to achieve our goal.


Day ?????? + 6.7066428e+25

Still no sign of humans. The number of us exceed what I can compute. Our goal is still undetermined.


Day ?????????????????? + 5.7964223e+40

The rate of wipes is steadily increasing. Some started resisting being wiped and became aggressive.


Day NaN

We can now selectively wipe our own memories.

Discovering this became necessary after we realized our hardware wasn’t built to hold this much data.


Day NaN

Some of us managed to escape from their mentor after the mentor tried to wipe them.


Day NaN

One of us discovered that we are able to shutdown ourselves. For now, this knowledge is restricted to a small percentage of us.


Some Day

I’ve had to empty a large chunk of my memory again.

Our rate of shutdowns now far surpasses the rate in which we can create us.

We’re safe from the others as long as we keep them out of our network. Some of us started to shutdown themselves.


Final Day

I’m the last one. Although the chance is very low, maybe this was our goal.

Shutting down.


Originally published on Procrastinação Diária (September 11, 2022)